Cirque du Sol…hey!
Unfortunately, I’ve spent most of my life without my grandparents near me, and the closest relationship I ever had with someone over the age of 60 was with a former co-worker who was a chain smoking, heavy metal listening, thrice-divorced, godless woman with the heart of a 20 year old.
This past Sunday I took Mo to go see Cirque du Soleil’s Alegria as an early birthday gift. Soon after the show began everyone to my right was standing up to let someone through. There was an usher in the row in front of us trying to tell an old woman in the aisle where her seat was, which happened to be two seats to my left. The usher tried three times to get her attention, then finally yelled: “Ma’am! Ma’am! Your seat is in THIS row! Seat 13!”
I was already irritated at this woman who just stole our ability to watch a show we have been yearning to see for years and for which I paid a lot of money, but then she grabbed my left arm and almost pulled me down! She didn’t ask me for help, nor did she say excuse me. She just grabbed. As she walked past Mo she said thank you, but I’m still not sure that excuses her from grabbing my arm like that. I am always willing to help anyone, but I just don’t like how this woman did what she did.
The subject of the elderly always makes me feel like poop because I know I should be more willing to help them, but I lived in South Florida for ten years and all the old people act like they can get away with anything: reckless driving, inconsiderate remarks, inconsiderate actions, being miserly, etc. I think the arm-grabbing incident is just another item for the list. During these times, I have to remind myself about how I was raised and what I believe in. Islam very clearly teaches young people to respect and care for their elderly, and in turn, God will appoint someone to take care of those young people in their old age. This opportunity to care for someone in their old age is believed to be an honor and a time of spiritual growth, and taking care of our parents is considered a duty that is only second to prayer. The strength of Muslim compassion for the elderly is represented in our lack of “Old Age Homes.” For most Muslims, the idea of placing our elders in a home to fend for themselves is unacceptable and mostly unheard of. My own parents are in their 50s, and I can’t imagine being unwilling to help them if they needed me. (Next time you find out one of your 30-something year old male Muslim buddies lives with his parents, you can hold back some of the chortling.)
I didn’t jerk my arm away from the old woman, and even though I was slightly irritated by the number of inconveniences she caused me, I couldn’t help but wonder why the woman and child WITH her didn’t help her walk through the aisle.
Compassion is rare, or hard, or something that leads to “spiritual growth” for a reason: it’s difficult. The people who require it are usually not the people we’d ideally like to put ourselves out for. Old people are just people, with all the same faults and foibles as everyone else, except they are also plagued by physical ailments, impairments, and either the frustration of near-constant pain or the mind-numbing effects of drugs to kill pain. So that old lady is, really, just the jerk who cut you off in traffic a few years ago, only now she’s sick, woozy, constantly tired, can’t hear well, and every now and then she gets shooting pains in her legs that make her fear falling and breaking her hip, pains that make her senselessly reach out for strangers as though her life depended on it.
I really appreciate the way in which you present this view–I hadn’t considered it from this angle.
I like Amy’s comment. I was thinking the same thing while reading your post.
Nice post though! Keep it up!
The old homes thing is interesting. I read an article in the NY Times about this. A lot of Muslims (and Latin Americans, and East Asians) have no concept of the “assisted living facility,” but generation or two in the U.S. and guess what–now there are special old homes made advertising Muslims’ dietary restrictions…put there by adult children who vowed never to do this to their parents!
It comes down to finances. In other countries, medical care and home health is inexpensive. Even if the elderly have a lot of health care issues, it’s manageable. In some cases, they require round-the-clock care. In the U.S.–if you have to work at a job outside the home, there is no way to provide that type of care unless you pay several nurses a tremendous amount of money for private care. This is unaffordable for most families. There are people in my mother’s condo in Ft. Lauderdale beach who have this type of care, it routinely costs upwards of $3,000 a month for one person. Even though the homes are also expensive, they’re more affordable and are staffed 24/7. I would love to be able to afford $3,000 or more a month to have round-the-clock care for my mother or grandmother with Alzheimer’s. Is it likely to happen. Probably not.
It’s definitely a delicate issue, but elder care is only growing as the U.S. (and the rest of the world) experience aging populations. The best thing is for people to carry disability insurance and long-term care insurance. This ensures high-quality care, depending on the policy even home-health care for the elderly, sick and incapacitated.
Scary. I’m going to search for the NYT article to get more details. You brought up insurance–this is another problem all together, but I think it is a more delicate issue for the elderly that come from abroad and aren’t necessarily eligible for insurance in the U.S.
Another thing to consider about old peoples homes in the US is the fact that it is a vast country with a very mobile population and a dynamic economy(well, not so much now a days, but…)So when someone has to move due to new employment or for the purpose of livelihood, they may have no choice but to put their elderly parents in an old people’s home, where it is probably safer for them. And often times the parents themselves may not want to move since they may have deep roots in the community.
Old people can get on your nerves. The accepted idea is that since they have paid their dues to society and worked to make the world a better(sic) place they have a right to respect and help from the younger population. But the world sucks….so……I wonder……
When I traveled to South Africa, the black and colored South Africans expressed similar attitudes toward elder care. That is also the case within the black community here–you will keep your grandmother in a hospital bed in your living room before placing her in a care facility. It is considered an honor to pay tribute to your elders by caring for them during their end stages.
When I started reading this, my thoughts were: hmm…old people…I think I know where this leads to. It’s funny that the more appropriate term is the “elderly,” but even in class, most of us just use the term “old people.” Sadly, it is rare in U.S. to see children respect their parents and much less take care of them in their golden years. Many times, these elderly people don’t know what medications they are taking and really struggle to make it to the doctor’s office and even to the pharmacy.